My Journal Foo's

Fuck! We're All Going to Die Aren't We?

Fri, 14 Jul 2006 02:21:18 GMT

Israel has launched a small-scale invasion of Lebanon. Yeah, and Japan has hinted at launching strikes on North Korea. Iran has made threats and there is still the potential of a civil war in Iraq.

Parts of Ukraine are talking about breaking away and joining Russia. Russia is developing better ICBMs and improving their military.

Yep, World War III looks to be just around the bend.

Well, time to hide in my fallout shelter and prepare to live off twinkies for the next 30 years.

Three Cheers for Feeling Sorry for Ourselves

Sun, 09 Jul 2006 15:16:14 GMT

Well, I am now officially in a dysfunctional family. Goddammit motherufckin' bitches.

My parents finally figured out about my brother's drunken tirades and they handled it with all the grace of a bull in a china shop. My brother of course, throwing out his own little bits of gold. "I'm handling it." O RLY? Handling it would imply acknowledging the problem and solving it.

Oh yeah, my sister is still ignoring me and my parents. The complete disrespect she's shown all of us is ridiculous. She really thinks she can fix her problems by just ignoring them. Hehe, what naivety. She'll learn, eventually, though I'd prefer she learn now and avoid the problems that will result from learning later.

I've had to deal with my parents criticizing me all the time as well. Occasionally hearing them act like I'm some wonderful child of theirs and that my brother and sister are the outcasts. Hehe. If they even knew half the shit about me they'd never see me for a model child. I'm not so stuck-up or ignorant to ignore them or drink my problems away, but I sure as Hell am not the model child.

I have had to deal with shit at school, home, and everywhere else pretty much.

It's amazing how radical people can be about their opinions. Hehe, coming from me. Of course, I'm only radical about certain opinions that I hold very dear. These aren't negative opinions about people either.

It doesn't matter to me, in the end, I will rise above it. As always we move along and keep living and that's how we get over our pain and problems not by ignoring them or drinking them away, but by living through them and not giving into them. To do otherwise is to harm yourself.

I AM AWESOME

Thu, 29 Jun 2006 04:04:34 GMT

I am now a mere four pay checks from having a 360 and HDTV! \m/ -_-

I got to see Superman Returns. Great movie. Best part was when Lois Lane realizes she is on Lex's yacht. She sees all the toupés and this ominous music plays and she screams and starts panicing, then she bumps into Lex and he's brushing his teeth looking basically like an everyday shmuck getting ready for work and he just says, "Lois Lane", but he says it with the toothpaste in his mouth and so it just comes out all jumbled and stupid. FUCKIN' GREAT!

Pretty good movie. It was kind of stupid in the intentional funny way. The big thing is it generally kept a good consistent feel, and felt dark when it was, but light when it was. There were few awkward instances except those that would be intended to get a laugh out of the audience.

And of course the usual everyone is stupid because they can't tell Clark is Superman. Clark shows up after five years the same day as Superman and was missing just as long as Superman and no one makes the logical connection that they are one in the same. I commented that I would just want to see someone run up, rip off Clark's glasses and just yell, "Y'all are blind niggas! THis dude's Superman! Dumbasses!"

Holy SHITZU Me HAVES JOBBy and other things in life

Wed, 21 Jun 2006 02:46:27 GMT

Yes, finally I got a job, just so happened it was doing mowing and shit at the farm, blech. So much for proving I don't need help.

Oh, brother of an old friend of mine accused of staturoty sodomy. Hellaz if I know what that's all about and I don't think anyone in my family actually knows yet, they just have some basic idea. I really don't care, though. It won't make me think less of him, I expect all people to be flawed and often expect the worse of them, so it usually doesn't phase me. The most it could could ever get out of me in the worse case is, "Dudes that's some freaky fucked-up shit."

Grandmother gots the ankle teh broken. Roolzerz. Of course my parents were acting all uber concerned about it, but of course I was just like, "That stubborn bitch? Hellz no ain't no fuckin' broken ankle bring her down." OF course, I really do mean that in a good way. Generally she seems to have just been dissatisfied and annoyed at not being able to be as active as she usually is. I heard it and though, "Wow that sucks, but she's pretty tough."

The job has been fun so far and now the acquiring of the 360 shall come. In addition shall be the purchase of the HDTV. I have also thought seriously about the purchasage of a PSP. In short, however, I will probably be getting teh mad shitzu this summer. At last! Hellalotta suffz for m3!

In addition Operation LIberation from Excessation of Lubrication is at Alpha Red Level 3 and HELLZ no I have no idea WHAT THE FUCK I'm talkin' 'bout!

Now if you'll excuse me I must go play with matches.

Feeling sad, in a good way

Thu, 15 Jun 2006 04:28:49 GMT

Well, this is one of those days I reflect and look at myself, others, and the world in general. I feel sad, but not sadness like when a person feels horrible, but when a persons just feels. I think of all the pain people cause each other and how the world seems lost to a cycle of self-destruction through boundless rage. I become inspired by music, imagery, and wonderful lines in movies. Lines like: "Theodin: So much death. What can we do against such reckless hate? Aragorn: Ride out. Ride out and meet them." "Life's not a song. Life isn't bliss. Life is just this: it's living. You'll get along. The pain that you feel you only can heal by living."

It's a matter of depth and questioning. Why do people think criminals should be cast out from society and treated like nothing? How is that helping them. A society that only helps those who help them and agree with them. Whatever happened to the friend that is with you through thick and thin but still smack you in the face if you're being an ass? It seems people now base their friendships on agreeing about everything and relationships. In fact, relationships are about growth and helping society, sticking to your flock only maintains the division. It's those who can act without flocks or herds, but will go wherever the wind takes them. The wind, the great uniter. All are affected by it. No blade of grass is small or insiginificant enough to be let be by the wind. No building can prevent its passage through an open door. Always the welcome visitor the wind comes and goes with a whisper and a bang. To return and leave again.

No one mourns its passing or is warned of its coming, save the subtle flutter of the grass and leaves. Gentle and calm. Holding the ability to create and destroy, brings life and takes it away without thought or emotion.

Wind holds no grudges, it has no bias, the wind only plays it role in nature. Humanity seeks to defy the order of nature, the order of chaos. Humanity seeks to organize the world and break it down into simple codes. In fact, much like a quote in Harvey:

"My mother would always say to me, 'Elwood-' she always called me Elwood, 'In this world Elwood you can either be oh-so-smart or oh-so-pleasant' now I was smart for years, I recommend pleasant."

Simply, it is the truth. People get caught up in the divisions and judging. They look at the person, they do not look around them, through them, in them, to find who they are. They embrace the idea of a person's actions speaking to who they are inside. I find this is far too ignorant and narrow-minded a view. People are deeper than what can be seen on the surface. Their acts may disgusting to thought or unbearable to see or maybe they're just wierd, but they are human and come with human emotions that everyone understand. I have felt fear, sadness, anger, and joy and I know how a person can react to these feelings. People just don't spend a minute in someone else's shoes. See in another person's eyes. See what they see, hear what they hear, know what they know. Feel what they feel.

It's empathy and it seems to be gone from this world. I can never support a society that regards individual human life with limited importance. The revenge-seekers and emotionally-driven will tear down the lesser pillars while the cold-calculating and beneficially-contemplative seek to tear down the great pillars. People refuse to see that their thoughts and feelings are dangerous if left unchecked.

There is no glory in loss of self. Only pain.

Steak Getting Stuck Sucks Assmonkies!

Tue, 30 May 2006 13:54:16 GMT

I had to go the hospital yesterday or the day before. Why? I swallowed a piece of steak and it got stuck in my esophagus so I couldn't swallow. Not really a big deal, I could still breath and everything. However, all the time spent was kind of annoying for one reason: I ended up swallowing it in 15 or 20 minutes of sleep.

My parents tried to say they prayed and that must be what it was. Though, they were praying ike every five minutes and they weren't praying for what actually happened. Quite simply, I fell asleep, my muscles relaxed completely and mucus went down and all of this meant that some shitty piece of meet didn't stand a chance.

Regardless, they've put me on a soft diet, which I know I don't have to be on. It's more like a precautionary measure, and I'm gonna do my best to ignore it. Quite simply I know what my body can do

My parents tried to find every way to convince me that something fixed by going to sleep had more to it. They went on about what the doctors did and everything. Honestly, what I did had done way more than anything they did. I think drinking Coca-Cola actually had more effect than any injection I was given. Not to mention that any injections I had were like eight hours before this and so they probably played no role, except maybe slightly assisting in degrading the blockage. However, it's clear that sleeping is what did the trick.

In short, I say chock up another victory for the natural human ability.

It wasn't luck or God, it was me. Fuck the idea that somehow something more than myself should be responsible. The body has a natural way of relieving problems, and the fact that it worked proved quite simply that it was not a big deal, like I had told my parents.

Yeah Prom MUTHAFUCKA!

Sun, 07 May 2006 06:13:11 GMT

Yes, went to teh prom and it was teh awesome. Made some people really uncomfortable and made some others laugh their asses off, some people I did both to.

I danced with three or four chicks! YEAH BITCH! Two or three were slow dances. Yeah I'ms to made playa. Especiallu considering Yeah was playing and when it goes to "ain't cutting no butter on my butt patrol" I made a motion with my hand outling one of the girl's back to her rump in full view of her boyfriend! Of course, I don't think a sinlge person there thought I was actually being serious with it. Basically they probably thought I was just being stupid. Honestly, I was. Later I did Humps and even made the motion for lumps in the video. I tapped my moobs MUTHA FUCKA! LOL.

I sang a few songs to people. Basically parts that were perfect for a situation one of the best was when I popped right in front of a girl during You're Beautiful right when the refrain starts and she just started cracking up. There's also a kid called Mickey in my class and when the song started playing I just was like "Where is he!? Where is he?!" Then I chased him all around singing it. He was like, "You're ruining my song!"

At the end when they played the natural requirement, I Had the Time of My Life, I started singing it to another girl, the one part I knew that is.

There was some crazy gay orgy shit and gangbanging goin' on. (pffft you know what I mean) There were also the moments where I just did stupid stuff to anyone who a target. Basically that meant anyone I knew nearby. Those people I use unwanted contact in sync with the music others I just showed up and danced a little and on some songs I just went over to a girl and sang to her like a part or two and left. Then there were times I did it to guys. One of those times it was Doncha playing and I just walked up to some guys and started singing and/or mouthing the words to the refrain.

I also did the ole slowdance with an assload of people. One of those times people got ticked.

Also, of note, the girl who was like all being rude to me on IM and people said I was stalking, I believe she gave me a completely uninitiated "Hi" and to top it off she said it with some element of happy greeting and used my name. That is teh mad wierd. Maybe she's warming back up to me or something else, not sure.

Well, Don't I Feel Great

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 04:30:11 GMT

Well, I lost my Aishiteruze Baby manga that i just got this weekend in Tulsa. Several hundred miles away. Not to mention the whole trip was a complete annoyance save for the times I listened to KBEZ on my CD Player/Radio, ate, or went to the mall. Had Chinese food, which was really quite good and the vegatables weren't bad, but that's because there was little in the noodles I ate and of course, I always like chicken.

My sister's recital was a complete annoyance. Getting the cold shoulder from my sister almost a year after the argument. Not to mention I had to deal with a religious message aka lecture from an old woman, friend of my parents, I hardly know. Telling me to love my parents and all that shit. Like i really don't have enough problems in my life. I really don't need some old woman I don't really know walking up to me and telling me how to live my life.

Hell, I certainly didn't need to have to deal with more arguments with my parents and seeing my mom walk out of my sister's recital about to cry. That shit just pisses me off. I don't give a fuck what she thinks of them, being a total bitch to them isn't going to change any problems she has with them and certainly won't make her feel better. I certainly have my problems with them. In fact, I've been arguing the big issues with them for longer than either my brother or sister as far as I know. In 6th and 7th grade I was arguing with them about how cursing was not actually bad while my brother and sister still talked about "See no evil, hear no evil, know no evil". The idea that they'd turn it around and act like they were the first to question our parents pisses me off even more.

I've been treated like shit in school and at home, but I just don't bring it up because I don't believe in acting like my problems are somehow important. I see my problems as being minor problems all people deal with and so I feel like all I'm doing is bitching while other people have real problems. So many of my friends have step parents for one reason or another. One of my friend's dad died because of drugs if I recall correctly and I know others who have actually experienced abuse or racism. There are people who have had dysfunctional families that I know. They didn't just have some stupid overly religious mother saying, "Ehh, that outfit's too revealing."

Not to mention in all this I've had some serious ringing and waxy buildup in my ear for a week.

Oh yeah, not to mention my art teacher said I wouldn't get into the next Art year because I got a C- on a certain canvas assignment. Thing is, I put in some work on it and know I got more than C- work done, as several students agreed, and yet she still did that. Of course, I couldn't help but feel that she was doing it out of some personal reason or some reason unrelated to my actual work.

In all this school is just a walking sleep for me with little reward in any way. I get through everything with so little work that it kind of grows boring and annoying. I have to deal with some people being ignorant and wanting to stand up for people getting shit said about them behind their back, but knowing I'll achieve nothing but being ridiculed.

Hell, story of my life. I defend everyone and no one defends me. I defend my parents, they chew my ass out at the drop of a hat. I defend my sister to them, she stays pissed as at me and ignores me.

Hell, I feel stupid for bitching like this too. I certainly don't think my problems are the worse, but I guess I just need somewhere to write this and I don't care who reads it.

Heh, wow, in like twenty minutes another less depressing one

Wed, 12 Apr 2006 04:51:15 GMT

Well, I took my ACT saturday. Hopefully I did assloads better. I know I did good on Science and Math, though maybe not as good as I did before on English or Reading. I actually had a dream where I got a 0 or something on Reading or English. LOL. Man I have such an inferiority complex.

Yet, I have no reason to. I got an essay that won a contest, beating the valedictorian. Yeah, I always get low scores on my essays from the English teachers. The fact that I also did better on my ACT Writing then the valedictorian makes a pretty clear point. Quite simply, I should be valedictorian. I just don't have parents that work me like a dog. He literally has no time on his hands. He works ridiculously hard at homework, yet I don't even make an attempt. I imagine if I made an attempt I'd do way better. I'd laugh if I somehow got a better score than him on the ACT. I'd really laugh if I got a 34. That would put me above pretty much every last valedictorian and everyone in the school currently. All without really trying and yet I'll probably get a B in Art. Bleh.

I swear I should be getting at least an -A. My stuff isn't that bad. I think the art teacher has it in for me. Probably thinks of me as an examplary artist and so less-than-exemplary work gets a lower score than it technically should, or maybe she just knows nothing about art. Hell, she couldn't tell the difference between colored pencil and crayon or oil pastel and acryllic paint. That's on my stuff too, so I know. She also didn't know that you need to put holes in hollow clay figures or else they'll go kablooie. I followed her advice and my thing blew up, though she didn't blame herself, she blamed me and told every class it was my fault, or made it clear that it was my fault. Always brings me up in the middle of class and singles me out, even when she's talking about someone else's art. Not to mention I always stick to what she says and get ridiculed for it while people who turn in stuff late or go against the format get sent to the art shows. WTF?! Even the other art teacher I had did that kind of stuff. The one thing I did that earned a ribbon was the one thing I put the least feeling in too and I thought was pure and utter shit. Yet, the stuff I felt strongly about and believed represented some greate meaning, were given the cold shoulder. Odd how my real art is ignored yet everyone loves my crap.

I know, I'll just spend ridiculously needless amounts of time creating something that was totally not asked for and turn it in at the end of the year and I'll get an A for the entire course.

Yeah, did some registering for classes and shit. Hell, I still put in Art, even though there were other classes taking up that hour I wanted. I like Art. I'll have three hour block in Computer Repair though, woo! Get to hang out with my best friend for three hours! The rest are smart people classes.

Oh boy!

Wed, 12 Apr 2006 04:30:51 GMT

Well, some girl gas a personal vendetta against me. One of those girls who's a friend of that girl who I was accused of "stalking". Funny thing, in all of the altercations and problems, she was completely uninvolved. More importantly, she didn't seem to care that what they did was something she wouldn't want done to her. Funny thing that makes me wonder, she actually "warned" me before one of those times, in a fairly inconsiderate way, but did it. Wonder if maybe there's other reasons for her treatement of me. Doubt it, but I can always speculate for my enjoyment.

Yeah, she's basically seen something in art that wasn't put up and instantly assumes I left it. Then she didn't seem to care when other guys were talking about removing me from a canvas the art class does each year. In fact, she seemed to want that to happen. Then she goes and says I'm going to start a school shooting. When someone says another day that she's mean to people for no reason I agree and point myself out, which she responds with by saying that I deserve every last bit of it, which really pissed me off. Funny thing, in all this, I was never actually mean to her before she started being mean to me. Not to mention that everyone else involved seems to ignore it and does not belittle me or treat me badly. In fact, the girl that has most reason to be a complete psycobitch to me has hardly done anything to the extent of this other girl.

Can't help but get annoyed at it. Especially knowing that if I asked her if she "liked" a boy she'd just go, "It's none of your business." All of them would. Yet, they show little care in asking me the same question and making a public spectacle out of it. I wrote an apology to all of them fori t and only one person says something and all she says is, "I think that was nice." No reciprocal apology, no admittance of wrongdoing on her part. No one else said anything. Not to mention I didn't want all of them to read the apology, though I didn't mind the people I apologized to knowing that I did so.

In spite of all this, I'll be nice to them, in complete disregard for the fact that they have treated me like total shit and made me fell like worthless shit and have not considered that they might have done so or shown any remorse. I can't help but feel that they would not care or may laugh at me if I cried. I know some of them would care, even if that same person would just repeat the action the next day. Others, I'm fairly sure, wouldn't care. They may only care if I died. Oh well, I'm not out to please everyone, even if I want to.

sigh Another day another reason for me to hate the world

Fri, 17 Mar 2006 03:04:08 GMT

It's amazing how stupid people can be. Not in rage, where all people become stupid, but in a moment of calmness. I've been treated so poorly that it's amazing I have never punched someone. From being called a fag to a loser. Crazy to cruel. There's such a long list I can't even begin. Apparently, though, when people get pissed off I'm the one they take it out on. No one notices how nice I can be, how caring I can be, or how thoughtful I can be. They see me as nosy, scary, crazy, suicidal/homicidal, and any number of things that could be said.

What's the point in it? People keep treating me like shit for no good reason. *sigh* Oh well. I do find it odd though that they can't see how they're responsible for my actions as well. They like to bind everyone by their standards. Believing that only one person is truly responsible for an action. What can I say, they exist in a world of black and white I exist in one of grays. It's funny that they still don't understand me. Imagine if they knew everything. They would never look at me the same again. In fact, each day they may look at me different.

Heh, I know so much of what they've said to one another about one another and tolerated so much. I watch as others do likewise, never willing to make the sacrific needed to show the truth. If I had some problem to overcome right now I wouldn't have a problem. Maybe I should work on my essay, that might clear my mind.

A bird big enough to flip that the whole word could see it

Mon, 06 Mar 2006 03:36:50 GMT

*sigh* High school continues to be my place of damnation. Stuck with a bunch of people who have not yet to develop enough inwardly to understand their own feelings and those of others. A world filled with cheap drama and cheap pity. Filled with fake zealousy in the guise of "the good" kids. I'm the outcast in the same way a sage is an outcast is his village. I don't mean to sound arrogant, but it is how I feel. So many people with their own problems and their own agendas who don't notice the futility fo their actions and though they talk of caring they show none for those who need it most. What is the purose of it all?

How many times have I been asked, "Why do you care?" How many times have I been called nosy, annoying, or mean? Is it so hard for them with multi-story houses and wealthier parents that they should feel they have some room to speak to me of how I should behave and what I should hold scared? Do they deem themselves as God's gift to the world to isolate man from his fellow brothers and her fellow sisters? Who are they to ask of me what I need to care about. If I think they're being jerks to their own friends out of complete ignorance should they consider me rude to care about them when they clearly don't? They don't want their reality shattered. That is what I am here to do. When I walk into the Hall of Mirrors I carry a sledgehammer to show people that once the glass is removed and they stop seeing themselves that the reality is they're in an empty room with a lot of broken glass. People want to believe in the mystery and the confusion, but as one who sees beyond it I cannot help but share it with others. This has led me to be disliked for wanting to expose their brutal truths so that when all is laid bare there is no more room for judgement. Some people are too dedicated to the lie.

What motivates this spurt of emotion? Well a lot of things, but this in particular has caused me to write this:

Ancient One [Love is like an onion; the more you peel away its layers, the more it stinks] says:
hello?
(girl) says:
hi if i wasn't talkin to you earlier y would i talk to u know
Ancient One [Love is like an onion; the more you peel away its layers, the more it stinks] says:
uh, is that you?
(girl) says:
ya ur annoying
Ancient One [Love is like an onion; the more you peel away its layers, the more it stinks] says:
that's kind of a bitchy thing to say, I don't expect that kind of rudeness from you
Ancient One [Love is like an onion; the more you peel away its layers, the more it stinks] says:
then again, I have a tendency to overestimate people's good nature
(girl) says:
well ur crazy...don't talk to me
Ancient One [Love is like an onion; the more you peel away its layers, the more it stinks] says:
why are you just now saying this shit to me?
Ancient One [Love is like an onion; the more you peel away its layers, the more it stinks] says:
Hell, I tried to get you to say something long before and so it's your own fault if I don't understand your feelings

The imfamous girl I keep writing about. This is the rudest she has been to me ever. Considering I had long had the impression of her as a super nice girl and would often defend her when other people said stupid shit about her, as I do with everyone. Yep. While I do admit I may have instigated the "crazy" comment, that was it. I said "hi" maybe three other times in a few hours before getting this response. It also has the cliché say-hi-and-then-deliver-a-quick-insult trick.

Funny? Kind of. Yeah, especially considering she's saying this to me in an IM, when I confronted her about it on other occasions face-to-face, particularly under the knowledge that she already said something about me.

More importantly, I have no idea where this came from. Maybe my anger and the appearance and results of that anger were a cause. Then again, I doubt she's ever been called a stalker or said to be the kid who'll bomb the school and taken out of class to talk to the principal about a gun threat I never made and was only taken seriously for who I am. Funny thing about it, they never get it right with me. They always think I need help when I least need it, but when I need it most they're always ignorant of it.

I can't help but laugh at it. Figure at the rate I'm going as far as getting people to change their view of me I'm going to have everyone hating me where before they liked me because I seemed like a charity case. Haha. I sat by myself at lunch because I hate being scrunched together with people. I don't talk to people when I don't have anything to talk about. Surely they don't know me. Someday I swear I'm going to get so pissed off, but instead of doing what is expected of me and popping a cap in someone I'm going to just give
them what they least expect, a very long drawn-out speech on the decaying state of human society based o the degredation of the modern youth. In which case there shall be many "WHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHH?"s.

If people spent the five minutes listening to me that they give others they'd soon find how wrong they are.
"That's the most I've heard him say." "He doesn't say much." "It's ok you can talk to us." "Don't commit suicide." "You're the kind of kid who'd bring a gun to school." "He'll probably never have a girlfriend."
"I haven't heard him talk in a while."

HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's how I feel inside when I hear these things. I guess it's man's nature to laugh at his problems no matter how small. Some think I'm a nazi, others a communist. Some don't think much about me at all. Maybe if they started caring they'd learn something. "Why do you care?" "Why do you not care?" is what I should say. A Christian? You'll get laughed from the golden throne and into the pits of Hell for claiming that. Psycho am I? Crazy am I? Ahhhh, yes I remember the girl who wished one of her friends would die called me a psycho. Yes, the girl that defended a guy for headbutting someone when he got called a queer and went on to say verbal abuse is worse than physical abuse, a point which I argued against. She later went on to call me a psycho for hitting someone with a tie. Well, I guess she has bad memory.

"Pardon me, I had to laugh at that." Who is the person who doesn't stand for people who've committed government-mandated murder? I see no reason to honor them in a way other than that I show to others. I don't treat a flag as though it is more sacred than a human being. A cloth is not something to die for. A pulpit is not something to shorten your brief moment of awareness on Earth for. Your freedoms are won through the repression and blood-spilling of others. What justice is there in it?

*sighs* Society has a lot to learn.

Why am I not surprised?

Fri, 03 Mar 2006 03:00:47 GMT

the Questioner
Test finished!

you chose CY - your Enneagram type is SIX.

"I am affectionate and skeptical"

Questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family,
friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved
and timid to outspoken and confrontative.

How to Get Along with Me

Be direct and clear.

Listen to me carefully.

Don't judge me for my anxiety.

Work things through with me.

Reassure me that everything is OK between us.

Laugh and make jokes with me.

Gently push me toward new experiences.

Try not to overreact to my overreacting.

What I Like About Being a Six

being committed and faithful to family and friends

being responsible and hardworking

being compassionate toward others

having intellect and wit

being a nonconformist

confronting danger bravely

being direct and assertive

What's Hard About Being a Six

the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind

procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence
in myself

fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of

exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger

wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right

being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations

Sixes as Children Often

are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and
stubborn

are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger

form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent

look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority
and rebel

are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families,
and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent

Sixes as Parents

are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty

are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence

worry more than most that their children will get hurt

sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries

Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele

The Enneagram Made Easy

Discover the 9 Types of People

HarperSanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages

You liked the test? so please RATE it :-)

You are not completely happy with the result?!

You chose CY

Would you rather have chosen:

AY (EIGHT)

BY (FOUR)

CX (TWO)

CZ (ONE)

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 0% on ABC
You scored higher than 55% on XYZ

Link: The Quick and Painless ENNEAGRAM Test written by felk on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

I could have seen this a mile away. I think I have too much time for personal reflection.

STRAIGHT FUCKIN' EDGE!

Sat, 11 Feb 2006 00:56:50 GMT

Well, not to say I'm the person to label myself, but I must say this movement has taken to my liking. In the infinite wisdom of Wikipedia I have found a great deal of love for this culture.

"Originally inspired by hardcore band Minor Threat, it has spread around the world, but is most popular in the United States, Canada, United Kingdom and Australia. It advocates abstinence in relation to tobacco, alcohol, and recreational drug use (especially psychoactive and stimulant drug use), and for some people in relation to promiscuous sexual behavior."

"Some straight-edgers feel that having a clear mind is a better way to approach life and/or spirituality. They tend to be atheistic or agnostic, often believing in self-responsibility and rejecting the idea of a deity or any divine moral law. However, in many circles the lifestyle has associations with Christianity, and there were at one time a significant Hare Krishna and Mormon straight edge movements. There are also Muslim straight-edgers, especially in Islamic countries, most notably Malaysia."

"At punk rock shows, it became common practice to mark an X on the hands of under-aged concertgoers to ensure that the bouncers would recognize a minor attempting to drink alcohol. Some people interpret this as a symbol of Ian MacKaye's don't smoke, don't drink, don't fuck ethos. Some people believe the three Xs are short for Body, Mind, and Soul—although three Xs have also been used as an abbreviation of Hardcore (straight edge). Some adopters of the "straight edge" lifestyle voluntarily marked their hands in the same way to show their commitment to refusing alcohol. Also widespread is the tattooing of the X symbol on other parts of the body, or wearing it on clothing, pins, etc. Three Xs (XXX) have their origin in some artwork created by Minor Threat's drummer Jeff Nelson where he replaced the 3 stars in the band's hometown Washington D.C. flag with Xs. The X is both a mark of negation and a mark of identity. Attaching the X to one's name or band name is common practice for straightedgers. For example, 'John Smith' would become 'XjohnXsmithX', or 'xxxjohnxxx', et cetera. "Straight edge" is sometimes abbreviated sXe (S.E. plus an X) following much the same logic. Note that sXe is pronounced as 'straight edge' or stated as the letters go "es-ex-ee"."

"The term was first used in the song "straightedge" which simply tied together many of the concepts that had been floating around in the Washington music scene for a while -- not letting any outside influence chemical, people, or whatever -- impede the progress of somebody's development. At the time of its inception the term was not meant to be a definite set of guidelines, which it has since become, but a pro-thinking, anti-obsession ideology. Just as many underground movements have done, the straightedge scene has diversified. There are some who preach complete "militant" purity, while there are others who, while still remaining straight, refuse to label themselves as having "the edge". Many straightedge "kids" no longer wear the trademark black "X" on the back of their hands."

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Straight_edge

I like the whole idea of not letting yourself get obsessed with anything and just sticking to living your life on your own strength. It's a real nice message. Though, undoubtedly it has become bastardized by some.

I love Academic Team

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 02:48:07 GMT

It's nice to hang out with a bunch of people as perverted and irreverent as me for a change. I made a remark about hermaphrodite self-insemination, which was hard to gauge as it was dark and very loud. People did hear me mention jerking off and they heard mangina.

There was general verbal assault on one kid, who is like the local bum, everyone's kicked him around at least once.

Other than that, um, other stuff. Oh yeah, they stuck me with Junior Varsity, the fuckers. Oh well, I kicked those younger kids' asses. It was fun, in general.

I'm just learning to breathe

Thu, 09 Feb 2006 00:50:52 GMT

Well, been having some fun recently. So far there hasn't been a weekend when I didn't do something for a month, I think. Tomorrow I go to an Academic Team meet and then a tournament on Saturday. They want to play for JV, fuck that, I didn't join so I could be downplayed. I know that the whole "We want you to help them" schitck, is just their way of avoiding the whole fact that they see other people as more valuable than myself. At any rate, on Sunday I'll get to avoid my parents' church, thank God, getting tired of that place. I'm going to a friend's church, for a change of pace from the annoying repetition.

Last weekend I had a friend over at my house on Saturday and watched the Super Bowl at another friend's. The week after this I'm going to a concert show in town. I'll probably try to keep myself occupied the whole time.

There are also might be bigger changes in the coming year. However, I won't comment on it yet.

Interesting

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 22:39:53 GMT

You Are 32% Abnormal

You are at low risk for being a psychopath. It is unlikely that you have no soul.

You are at medium risk for having a borderline personality. It is somewhat likely that you are a chaotic mess.

You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection.

You are at medium risk for having a social phobia. It is somewhat likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement.

You are at medium risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is somewhat likely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

I'm like so normal.

Everything must end. All you can do is look back and smile.

Sun, 22 Jan 2006 02:06:25 GMT

Well just saw the last ep of Teen Titans. It was very deep and apparently referenced a film, which is another that I'll have to track down and watch. However, the series is over and all that's left is a direct-to-video movie. However, the ending had a very deep, although unsatisfying, ending. Terra comes back from death, but apparently forgets her entire experience with the Teen Titans. Slate sends a robot and taunts Beast Boy. Showing that Slate's still in the game and lending truth to Terra's revival, plus her body's absence from its resting place, she died when she was turned into a statue for some reason. However, it ends without any conclusion to what Slate knew or what he was doing. It also gave no indication of what happened to Terra. In a way I love it because it gives me plenty of room to speculate like a mad man as I love doing. However, in a way I want an ending. Such is the way of things, we always want and ending, but never like the ending we get. I would want to live forever just because I would never have to face my own end and feel unsatisfied with it. I want to see everything!

Oh well, it is the way of the world.

ROCK AND ROLL!

Mon, 16 Jan 2006 00:38:11 GMT

Yeppers, I've had a fairly decent week. Went to two games and a concert show. The show I got a ride from a friend, hanged out at his house for a little bit, went up to where the show was, a 30-minute drive, and after sittin' in his car for a while he waited for some girl to give her a music lesson, who didn't show up, went to a coffe shop. Really wanted to annoy my bro at Wal*Mart when I was with my friend, but didn't get to. Went back had to wait out in the cold for 30 FUCKIN' MINUTES because apparently the show started 30 minutes later than I was told. Bitches. So as I'm waitin' and these two chicks from school and some dudes are all huddling together saying stuff like "We need more body heat" and something about a gay orgy I believe. They all invite me into their little thing and I ignore 'em.

While we're waitin' this dude and his girlfriend, who's essentially a prep and therefore not really fitting into the hardcore rock clique, the dude's ok though. Not like it matters, I don't exactly fit in by those same standards anyway. Hung out with a friend from school and some of his friends there. Felt like I was about to choke from all the cigs though at the concert. Saw some hardcore dancing and some push-moshing. Did some break-dancin, very little though and none of that crazy down-on-the-floor sort of stuff. At first I was sitting in the back or standing because there was so much smoke that even hardly being near it caused my nostrils to burn. Some people commented on my behavior. My friend was like, "Are you ok?" becuase I was covering my mouth and nose. The one dude's girlfriend was saying "You know you can come sit with us." Fuck no, there were people up there somking and shit. Eventually I was able to get over it or there was just less smoking going on.

One of the guys playing was wearing a Salad Fingers t-shirt and I just went up to the dude and was like "Awesome man." Then towards the end of the band's performance that guy just starts bashing his guitar, stops, and then some dude jumps on stage and smashes it to pieces, gets dragged off and they just throw the guitar out and I'm trying to grab that mutha, but someone else gets it. DAMN. Went back outside with my friend and talk to the dude and he says they're not letting him back in to watch the rest of the show. Bastards. Just as well the last band wasn't all that special.

Went to Steak and Shake and talked to some of the people there. Nothin' shocking. Went to drop off this one girl who was a friend of the guy who took me to the show. Then he went to pick up another friend and we had to wait around for the dude for like 30 minutes. Then we left and my friend dropped me off at home and then I got a shower, drank a soda, put in a recording for Yu-Yu-Hakusho, and went to bed.

The two games were a little different. I was bugged about liking two different girls by a few people. Kind of odd though because it was a game each. At one game I was bugged about one girl and at another I was bugged about another girl. Neither girl's actually talking to me now or even smiling when I say "Hi" sometimes not even returning the favor. Thing is, I kind of figure that it's all the people bugging me about it making it worse as before they were still treating me nice. I was actually bugged at another game about another girl as well, someone I don't even know! Plus at one game a girl was saying she wanted to go out with me, but I couldn't help but feel she was teasing me as many girls do. I mean, girls tease me all the time it seems. I usually can tell it's teasing from their tone of voice and what they talk about. It gets annoying.

Well at any rate, I think might want to play WoW before the 10-day free trial wears out.

Yayyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Sat, 07 Jan 2006 14:54:48 GMT

I got my ACT scores back and got me a 30 on the whole kickin cabootle. Had I finished the Science and Math and not had to guess I probably would have gotten over that. Uh but YEAH!!!!!!

A New Year, What's the Big Deal Again?

Sun, 01 Jan 2006 19:52:05 GMT

Well, time has gone by again. Another year filled with death, despair, love, life, loss, gain, nostalgia, and ignorance gone forever never to come again. Missed chances at glory, broken dreams, lost hopes, failed loves, and self-pity. Someone probably committed suicide when theri girlfriend broke up with them and a women probably gave her life to a man that would never respect it. Undoubtedly people spent the New Year's Eve trying hard to drown their troubles in alchohol or looking for a girl to fuck just becuase they have nothing else to fill their life. People forsake their flesh and blood for their petty disputes and kill aonther man's father to protect their own son. Life was lived and love was loved. People reflected on the year and either saw their pain come back to them or felt some bit of satisfaction that at least they hadn't wasted a year of their life. In the end the year is gone and nothing short of the hand of God could turn the hands on the clock back. You have no Superman to save you, no knight on shining armor to rescue you from the reality of your life. No serene angle sings in the dark for you. None mourn the passing of your days. They sing and rejoice at the decay of humanity and their own lives as ignorant fools blind to the signs painted on their face.

What a year to start, a newborn baby cries as they smack her foot another stays silent and it's brief moment in the corporeal is ended well before those of others who forsake it so. A girl passes out because she didn't eat breakfast and another is watching the color on an electronic device to see how big a mistake she made the day before. A preacher talks of tolerance and peace under God as a man in the pews thinks of how he wish the murderers of his father were forced to face the same fate. A musician tries to see if there's any reason for all the work he's gone through the past year or if he's just a second-rate artist that'll never amount to anything. A young boy mourns his puppy who left him a year before knowing his first true loss in life. A sad couple at the same time mourns what they see as their first true loss in life. People judge and people guess, never caring for who they harm except after there can be nothing done.

A man falls in love for the first time and can't stop thinking of his dream girl who's beauty and love surpasses that of everyone he knows, at least, as far as he is concerned. A girl thinks of how she can please her true love and not face the back of his hand. A young child runs under the kitchen table as her father "comes back late" again. A dying women wishes she had loved her children more. A teenage girl pops a mint before seeing her parents hoping that what they about what happens in Vegas is true elsewhere. The high school quarterback bang his head against the locker, knowing he'll never get out on that scholarship now because one lucky night and one bad decision. A 40-year-old man smiles to himself thinking of how he could be so happy with so little. A young girl sits on the curb looking for that one kind stranger who'll take the time to drop a few coins in the hat. A small boy sees the nurses after finally figuring out how to get the cap off "Mommy's candies".

A man has to leave his home after putting his hand on the press five seconds early for the first time in 30 years. This is life and it happens every year. Try and avoid or forget it and it'll just catch up to you harder and far easier. So maybe this year will be better, but I wouldn't bet on it.

Ugh, teen drama

Wed, 21 Dec 2005 05:35:25 GMT

Well it's almost Christmas break for me, but right now I'm in a real bitch of a situation. Well, while other stupid situations I got in were quickly and easily cleaned up the issue with one girl has persisted. It was the girl I have been accused of stalking. The accusations based on many misrepresented facts or some outright lies. Essentially however it goes like this, I asked a girl I didn't know particularly, basically an acquaintance, if she'd give me her e-mail. At first my whole purpose was just to get to know her by talking on messanger as I have gotten to know some other people. Particularly is because this girl was one of the very few to actually be particularly nice to me and not tease me. However she's hardly ever on, so I decided to e-mail her. Thing is, hardly got any sort of response from her.

Well at some point from talking to her during school I find out that she works at Save-A-Lot, when I heard that my first thought was that I had been told I had to be 18 to get a job there, but I knew this girl wasn't 18. This is when I began walking and I wanted to be walking a lot to get the most out of it. I decided I'd walk into town and walk around some places. To get a lot of time out walking I would walk to where Save-A-Lot is and since I walked into every general store or grocery store I'd walk into Save-A-Lot and Alco. So for a few weeks I walked into Save-A-Lot with the purpose of going out walking and occasionally checking out about a job. I also thought I might have an opportunity to talk to that girl when she's there, though I'd walk there regardless.

Well, upon seeing her looking at me and given a time when I had been behaving in a way that I would think might creep her out I decided I needed to explain myself. Thing is, I don't want everyone to know and thus start annoying me about it. I also didn't think she'd respond to an e-mail because she said she doesn't really have the time. Since talking to her about it might make people overhear and I wanted to know if I was offending and that if I was that she'd forgive me I wrote a note. Granted, at the time I thought it was also incredibly personal to do, but I felt like I needed to make sure there was nothing wrong. However, she didn't write anything back or say anything about it. I kept asking if she was going to respond to it or asking her what she thought of it, but she said nothing. So I kept going about things as I would talking to her on some rare occasions when I could. All the while thinking things were still alright and that she wasn't really offended. Well that's when it started.

One of her "friends" began to ask me if I liked the girl, she said that I was stalking her and writing her 5-page love notes, granted the one note I wrote was more like one front page. She asked me if I ever thought that I might scare her. Well, given who the girl was and the circumstances involved I thought she was just told by someone else and then made up the rest. So I kept going like usual then another girl asked me the same question, but asked because she said I was always staring at her, which is misrepresented. I happen to sit in the second desk to one side of hers and I sit at the edge of the room so the open space is on the side facing her. So, when I feel relaxed and I'm doing nothing in that class I'll turn to the side to get some space for my legs and look around the room when I'm real bored. The distances involved make it very difficult for me to not stare as she would be part of the first image I see and if I see something interesting I'll look at it. Sometimes she does things that are interesting. Another girl got offended by this little attribute of mine when I would look at her from time to time when she was doing something. However, I still had heard nothing from the girl in question, so I still didn't assume anything. Yet, I still talked to her about that and upon hearing her say it creeped her out I apologized.

Well upon talking to another girl who I happen to trust a great deal and talk to a lot online I find her saying that apparently this girl had been complaining in some way about what was going on. So I talked to her and said she could tell me if I offended her. Her reaction wasn't one of admittance, but questioning. She didn't say I made her feel bad, though she did say it felt like I was stalking her. Thing is, this was in a room with a few wandering eyes and I really couldn't comfortably say anything there. Well, I was feeling worse, but she still wasn't being too unkind about it so I figured her reactions were more just confusion and not nearly as bad as some people would lead me to believe. Well at some point some stupid thing happened. Apparently a few people found out and didn't say anything, but then they started. Just thursday a girl asked me not, "Do you like her?" or "Didn't you think you might creep her out?" she went way further and asked me if I was "obsessed" with her. I wasn't going to answer the question before when it was just "like" because I don't consider there to be a respectful answer, especially knowing the girl has a boyfriend. Yes is certainly out of the question and no is just disrespectful in my mind. I certainly don't want to elaborate on my emotional attachment to any one person to a girl like her. Now if she thought I would answer the question as to whether I'm obsessed with her, she was really stupid. Granted, it's a definite no, but that's the kind of question I choose rather to ignore than respond.

However, she didn't stop with just asking a question. She began to basically tell everyone there that I was always calling her and e-mailing, which sounded like a lot of bullshit as I don't even know her number. As for e-mailing only four of the e-mails she got were not sent to everyone else on my list of contacts. Soooo, I don't consider that e-mailing her a lot. Well, she wouldn't stop saying this and basically lying to everyone in the class so I decided to find some way of shutting her up without being a jerk by yelling or hitting her, since I knew politely asking her not to say anything was going to achieve nothing. Well, then I remembered how these girls had cracked up in the lunch room when I hit one of them with my tie that I sometimes wear, so I figured maybe this girl would start cracking up and I could avoid the conversation. However, that didn't work out very well. She apparently got really offended by it.

Well, the day after wasn't any better. I got it two-fold as another girl started pelting me with question in addition to the other. Now, while the day before only one or two people paid attention, that day everyone in the class was basically looking at the situation and I certainly didn't feel any more comfortable with answering these questions with everyone looking at me. In fact, I felt completely humiliated and embarassed and felt like I was going to cry. This caused me to get mad so I smacked another girl with my tie, sort of out of the desire not to hurt her, but the feeling that if I didn't do something right away I'd go completely crazy. This didn't shut them up, though. They just went one step further and started getting on me for doing that. I also got teased by some other people in the class and so I muttered "Fuck you all" under my breath, but apparently it wasn't enough under my breath and they started making fun of that as well. Then the girl who had been talking to me before asks if I'm going to bomb the school and I just roll my eyes shake my head and put face in my hands, basically about to cry only to find that the girl is saying that I nodded when she asked. Later that night I went to a game and was seriously asked the question, "Are you going to kill some people?" Which of course led me to think, "I just might now."

Well, on monday it was mainly this one guy (never thought a guy was going to be brought up did you?) annoying me talking about her and going even further with his questioning asking me if I'd like him to get me her number, asking if I wanted to get in the girl's panties and a bunch of other stupid shit I wasn't about to respond to. Today, however, was far worse. I went into that class where people had been treating me like that and got the same treatment again, though not quite as bad, mainly because the guy annoyed me some in my 2nd hour when I dropped by his class to have some pizza, seeing as my class that hour was taught from a college and over the week before. So I told them pretty straight I don't want to answer those questions. However, they don't seem to take that as an answer so I tried to explain some of the situation, but they just kept annoying me about it.

However, in all this I would have preferred the girl they were actually talking about to have the conversation with me and me alone without all the wandering eyes and listening ears. In fact, had it not been for those eyes and ears the whole situation would have been avoided.

New updatey thing

Sun, 11 Dec 2005 02:01:59 GMT

Well, we finally got DSL and so I am happy, though I didn't get a job at McDonald's so I'm not happy. I did take the ACT again today. Pretty good. I think I definitely got higher than the last time, but I did worse on one section I think soooo, I may have a problem there. One kid was given the essay portion, even though he didn't sign up or pay for it. Yeah, and I went to two Wal*Marts and saw some people who had graduated from school and others who were in school, oddly no one I saw was in my grade.

Walked into Save-A-Lot expecting the one girl not to be there, but she was. All I got to say was "Wow you are here1" before someone went to the check-in. Good gosh, it seems like whenever show up and want to talk to her someone walks in.

My Thanksgiving Week

Sun, 27 Nov 2005 23:04:00 GMT

Well, it was a far more eventful Thanksgiving week and weekend for me. I walked around town on Wednseday, Thanksgiving, and Saturday. Watched both Danny Phantom specials, Reign Storm and Ultimate Enemy, got a CD of Kelly Clarkson.

I also got accused of two reprehensible forms of activity involving girls. I got accused of hitting on a guy's girlfriend and I was accused of stalking another girl. Teen drama *sighs* how tiresome. I actually just told the one girl she was awesome for picking "Like a Virgin" by Madonna on the jukebox while we were at a bowling alley for an attendance party. Her twin sister went and said to her boyfriend that I was hitting on her. Her boyfriend, who was on Academic Team with me, said he would have punched me if I was hitting on her. Thing is, I didn't actually know she had a boyfriend until that very day. Odd that that one got past me. I usually pick up on the relationship stuff real quick. Really wierd thing is this guy had gotten mad at me only a few days earlier for arguing with people on a forum by one of the students at school. Said I was making his gf, mad which at the time I didn't know she was his gf. Well, my english teacher then had me partner with her for a worksheet and she was like, "He's mean to me." My teacher just says, "Now you be nice to her," in a happy little giddy way. However, after doing the worksheet the girl apologized for saying that she didn't want to work with me because I hadn't tried to argue with her like she thought I would.

Now, the girl I was accused of "stalking" didn't actually accuse me of it. One of the girls she sits with brought up that I kept walking into Save-A-Lot, where the girl works, and then said I was writing her five-page notes. Problem with this is, while I did walk into where she works, I never wrote her five-page notes. I wrote one note that was five paragraphs, because she never seems to have time to respond to my e-mails. In fact, part of the reason for writing was to try and make sure she didn't think I was stalking her. I just have a really hard time talking to people on certain occasions. Only twice did I even behave awkwardly and that was by lingering up front and not leaving after one quick sweep through the store. The first time I had felt like crap and not able to talk to anyone, even if I wanted to. The other time she kept getting people going to the check-in and when I attempted to talk to her while someone was there she just kept saying "uh-huh" after everything I said and I didn't know if she was talking to the guy checking out or me. Well, needless to say, I'll never attempt talking to her while she's working.

There was also a particularly funny instance in my computer class where a lot of us just make jokes about sex. Well, one lanky guy with long hair in particular does it frequently and is fairly imfamous for it. One guy said something that I couldn't quite hear and it sound like jibberish, however it sort of sounded like "gettin' it". So I just go, "What about getting it in the butt?" The teacher then thinks the lanky kid said and goes, "What are you doing now?" This resulted in a great deal of laughter.

There was a pep rally thing on Wednesday followed by a speech from this guy who went to our school and eventually joined the Phoenix Suns in the NBA. During the pep rally there were some trying to start a wave so I get up and do one and start yelling at people for not doing it. Eventually we started a wave that went across the bleachers and back. Then another guy jumps down to the court and starts running back and forth screaming, trying to get us to do the wave again. I had also gone walking and saw a guy that works in meat at Save-A-Lot and asked him if he was getting off for the weekend. He said he had Wednesday and Thursday off, when I brought this up to my brother, who had to work late on both days, one of which was Thanksgiving, he just got a little peeved.

Then I went to a game on that day and we got our butts kicked by our "rival" and I just went through the parking lot screaming like some sort of crazed sports fanatic, "We got our butts kicked! Yes, we suck!" A few people seeing it were actually quite amused and asked, "Did you guys lose?" and I respond with a "You bet we did.!" The day before was an even better time because the guys we had beaten were standing outside waiting for the bus and one kid just screams, "Yeah! Everyone's getting into fights! Who's ass do I get to kick?" A lady and my Government teacher Freshmen year were doing the admissions that day and I just threw down eight quarters for my way in, but the lady said, "You need one more." I looked at her for a second and counted up my quarters and found there to be eight, just enough for a student to get in. I was about to say something when my Government teacher corrects her and says that I'm a student. I then realize this women thought I was an adult. That's probably the third or fourth person I've heard say that or something similar. I figured it might be because I had a beard, though some said it before when it wasn't that long or they didn't see it.

Thurday was just teh awesome. Went walking around for three hours on Thanksgiving and walked over to some stores. Some of it was interesting, but the biggest thing is one of the girls said "Hi" to me and she hadn't so much as looked at me the other 50 times I had walked into that store. I was greatly surprised. Then I went to the third game that week, my school hosts a tournament every Thanksgiving with a few nearby schools. And watched three games, actually, one was just a Middle-School game or something that I didn't pay attention to. In fact, I spent a lot of time out of the gymnasium for that game. Talked to some of my friends working concessions and joked around with a few people waiting for the high-school game. They asked me to arm wrestle and I joked about how I might hit one of the kids for having a dirty baseball cap on. One of them asks, "What? Do you hate rednecks?" I play along and say I do and talk about lynching rednecks for what they did to the black people. I even went so far as to say I'd lynch them with deer jerky to teach them not to hunt.

When the high school game started I was with the guy who had been running along the court on Wednseday to get people to do the wave and he wasjust screaming everything. I walked up to him and start impersonating Johnny Extreme from X-play. I start yelling, "Yeah! We're gonna get some extreme balls-to-the-wall action! It's gonna be extreme to the max! It's gonna punch your balls off!" I did that for like a minute or a half and then sat down. For that game I sat next to one of my old friends and these other kids he was sitting with. There was some funny back-and-forth conversations. That one was us going for third place and we lost that too, though we did bring a 20+ point deficit game into an overtime game, ended up losing by five points, though some said had the refs made better calls it wouldn't have happened. In fact, one of the guys watching the game got so mad at the ref's calls he just yelled, "Hellen Keller could make better calls!" Then the former NBA player who had given a speech wednseday gave another speech as they were going to retire his high school jersey. For the last game, the Championship, our "rival" won. I was actually glad they did, because they were a pretty good team. It looked like the coach was very cool and calm. He may crack a small smile once or twice and get a little troubled, but mostly he was just watching everything with a clear and considerate eye. The team was also very similar in action. I had even tried to shake his hand and congradulate him and his team on beating our butts. Our coach would be getting like sasquatch sometimes. When we lost the game for third place the people in the stands actually booed the winning team. Pffft, school spirit is fine and dandy, but screaming incoherently at every little thing certainly didn't help us win or make us look good.

On Friday I didn't go walking around town, but I did go to Wal*Mart and walked around there some. Went by my brother like 4 or 5 times and had one of his co-workers joking about me being a stalker, which made me feel really bad as I had seriously been accused of just that earlier in the week. Of course, I just responded by saying, "I'm not a stalker!" I also walked up to some girl looking at greeting cards who had the anarchy sign on her wrist band and I just went, "Rar! Anarchy now!" I then pointed out her little wrist band and said, "Anarchy rocks." She just looked at me kind-of smiliing and I left. I also saw some girl who was in art class my freshmen year, her senior year, whose brother used to be a friend of mine at school. I had seen her working register before and though she might be today, but she just walked out right when I was able to say. I had wanted to talk a little more, but that's all I could get off before she left. Before lunch I had gotten a haircut and checked out a few places for job. Manager at McDonald's wasn't there until Saturday.

Got myself a Kelly Clarkson CD and listened to it on the way home and had "Because of You" played three or more times, I believe. When we got home I walked into a store and one of the guys from my computer class was looking at the rentals. I chatted with him a bit and started walking around the store. I then played with one of the little candycane-shaped candy containers acting like it was a gun or just like I was caning someone. That guy from my computer class had still been looking at rentals so I brought him over where the canes were and pretended to whack him in the neck from behind. Then I was on the net awhile and one chick got on and I talked a bit to her. Then came up this whole bit where she brought up she was anemic and I asked if it was anything serious. She told me that it wasn't. Then I brought up another girl who told me she was anemic and how I had been trying to ask her about it for a few weeks and sent her an e-mail and wrote a note asking about this and felt more worried upon receving no repsonse. The girl I was chatting to just seemed to get ticked at me and asked why didn't I spend that much time worrying about her having scoliosis or a friend of hers who has asthma. I sort of got the impression that either she felt horribly rejected or that she may have actually been jealous, especially given that she had asked me if I thought that other girl with anemia was sexy in another conversation.

In the end, I felt a bit like crap because she spent an hour arguing with me about why I shouldn't care whether someone has an ailment that could kill them. So I spent the next two hours listening to music and didn't care that I missed Rah Xephon and even forgot to put in a recording for Yu-Yu-Hakusho. Then came Saturday. I watched Ultimate Enemy and still felt a little depressed. Then I went walking and went to a few stores. I was wearing my dad's large size sweatshirt, I was amazed the thing fit me, and a jacket. Plus, I was pretty much listening to "Because of You" again, over and over. I went to Save-A-Lot and saw the guy who works in the meat depertment again and said I was listening to Kelly Clarkson. I walked around a bit and saw the girl working there, but of course, I wasn't about to try talking to her during her work again. In fact, I had hoped to tell her of the ordeal of chatting with the girl on the Internet, mainly because she was the other girl being discussed in that convo, and so I tried to drop in on her lunch hour, but I didn't see her go for lunch and decided lingering around up front again would just get way too creepy. As I was walking out I shot a quick glance in and saw her smiling with her incredibly perfect white teeth, swear the girl must bleach them and toss them in the washer or something, and figured, once again, my appearance was being discussed. I felt like just whipping back around and yelling, "I'm not stalking you!" but I didn't quite have the balls right then to do it. I then walked over to Alco right by Save-A-Lot and checked out one of the shirts there. It said, "Humpty Dumpty Was Pushed!" and I just thought it was a great T-shirt. Then I dropped by McDonald's partially in the hopes that the girl at Save-A-Lot would be taking her lunch break and I could have a conversation where her response would consist of something more than, "uh-huh." Well, that didn't happen, but the manager finally set up an interview with me for Monday. Really ticked me off that I had been waiting a few weeks to get one after thinking I wouldn't have a chance until March. Stupid 3 frickin' managers saying 3 frickin' different things. Damn you all to an early grave, after I've been hired and a replacement manager is ready that is! Of course, like I had said many times, if I got an interview I'd shave my beard and that's exactly what happened.

Well, after a very long walk back home I did basically nothing of interest, except watching tv shows. Sunday has so far been, uhhhh, well, sunday, boring and uninteresting. My dad was preaching at church and actually was about to cry. My dad then took me to get a sweat shirt so I don't have to wear his when I go walking. Twice I tried to show him a dead cat and he didn't see it either time. Poor little critter looked like its had been banged into and aside from the eye and mouth the entire body was blood-free on the outside.

Over this time I was also talking to a girl about going on a date. Of course, she suggested watching a movie and I instead suggested the classic have milkshakes date. I have been hoping to get a date so I could get familiar with it and warm myself up to it more. She hadn't been on a date either so I figured it was the perfect setup, especially given that we both are animé fans. Plus, it might hush all the "gay" talk and "Stalking" or "hitting on" stuff going around. That's kind of why I haven't been very social. All I need now is to figure out a way to do it. The girl lives a good 20 minutes drive away and I doubt my brother would be willing to take such a hit all on himself. Though, if I do get the job maybe I can convince him.

Oh yeah, and in a few hours a forum I was suspended on, for the little argument mentioned earlier with that one dude's girlfriend, is going to let me back on.

Hmmm. Well, this was a fairly eventful week for me. Holla!

I LOVE MY LIFE!!!!

Sat, 26 Nov 2005 00:29:23 GMT

I must say, many good things are happening to me. I am particularly fond of my new CD.

This song I'm listening to is like my new anthem:

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you